Saturday, July 14, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 5:06 PM
I'm actually pretty lazy to think of something to write and pretty much feeling a tad bit emo right now so I'll post an entry from my 'diary'. I would sometimes write about my day on the way home. In there, it's actually much more personal but this isn't all that so here it is:
Friday, July 13, 2007
Start: 10.22PM
End: 11.02PM
Mood: Happy! ^.^
Place: On Bus 72, going home
Listening to: Passion by Se7en
It started as an okay day today. I mean, went to class, met up with Annu, ate at MacDonalds, went for more classes then went to Koufu with Madeleine and Hanisah to just…chill! Annu went home because she was um…tired. Yeah, let’s stick it with that.
At around 5pm, went to the dance studio with Hanisah to practice a little bit. We found some of the juniors and of course, the seniors, there already. We practiced like HELL because, well, TODAY IS THE DANCE EXAM!
During the stretching, AHH!!! SO PAINFUL!!! >.<>
I love our choreography! ^.^ The other groups were awesome! Felt rather high when they showcased their choreography. But when it came to our turn, oh ho ho ho! LOL I FELT SUPER SCARED! Not to mention, I didn’t eat earlier so the constant practicing was making me rather light-headed and dizzy. But I SURVIVED!
Out of the total score of 50, I got 26 only! T.T But at least I pass and I knew what was wrong with me. I didn’t show much expression (TRUE). I didn’t give much eye-contact (TRUE). My moves weren’t sharp or impactful (TRUE). Honestly, everything written there was true. LOL.
On the good side, I DIDN’T MOUTH MY COUNTING ANYMORE! YAY! ^.^ They said that my musicality was not bad – which means I somewhat had my groove and could flow to the music. I REMEMBERED ALL THE STEPS! ^.^ YAY!
This was what I found out when I talked to Eileen. However, talking to Shafeena made me realize something important. She pointed out that I didn’t have confidence.
I could pull practically ALL of the steps perfectly. She said that she saw my dancing – she said it looked great! BUT – because of my low confidence, I didn’t have expressions nor did I have any eye-contact.
The first thing I need to do is to work on my confidence and practically all of my other problems could be solved in no time!
But hearing that comment from Shafeena made me realize that I CAN dance! She said I could be SO much better if I was confident of myself.
So thanks to Shafeena and Eileen for making me realize! ^.^ I’ll work on them! ^.^
That’s pretty much my day! I still feel like dancing! LOL
Okay, I think my stop’s right around the corner!
Ja ne,
Leandra
Yup, that was my entry yesterday. I'm feeling pretty proud of myself but I REALLY need to work on my confidence. But I seriously love dancing. I shall work on my confidence! ^.^
But not right now >.< my whole body's in PAIN! I seriously overstretched myself so now it's pretty hard for me to move about. Oh well, *shrugs* I'll get over the pain.
About my ankle, *grins nervously, poking fingers together* hehe...I think I overused it since yesterday was the exam, I thought to..."Ah fuck it, I'll give the turn a shot." So brilliant me decided to do the turn during our last try (we had three tries - one facing the mirror and the other two facing the seniors). And now, my ankle hurts.
Inner Self: *sweatdrop* IDIOT! NOW WE'RE BOTH IN PAIN EVERYTIME WE WALK!
*glares at Inner Self* Shut up! It was an exam. Sacrifices need to be made to pass it. Besides, if we don't try now we might not be able to do it properly during performances or whatever.
Inner Self: *pouts* fine!
*glares, then turns back to audience, smiling* ANYWAY, I gotta go already. I don't entirely feel myself today. I'll check with everyone later!
Ja ne,
Leandra
Thursday, July 05, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 11:47 PM
Here's a food for thought:
The world's changing. Do you ever feel left behind?
Well, I'm talking to an old secondary school friend and I realised how much he and the others that I talk to have changed. They're all matured and where am I? I've grown down while others have grown up.
I remember my past - I was backboneless. People CONTROLLED me like a puppet, a lapdog. I sat there and did nothing about. Maybe some still do but it isn't as bad as the past. I put a stop to it. It ended badly. I cut off ties that linked to the problem. I thought I did a good thing. I've gained my backbone and I've started a new life.
These new friends brought me into a new light. They taught me FUN. Something I haven't felt when I was with my past problem. My past problem dragged me to bookshops after bookshops. I missed concerts, parties and well..FUN! I loved it. These new people didn't discriminate me. For the first time, I felt normal I guess.
I know I'm not deformed or whatever but all my life, (well, since school started) people always teased me because of my looks. And when I put a stop to my past problem, they used the worst kind of attack one can imagine. They knew my weakness - my heart, my emotions, my mind. They targeted it, telling me everything.
I made believe that I didn't care but actually, I do. But now, if they come and tell me, I'll tell them to go to hell.
When I'm with my new life, I forget everything. It's a new life. Why should I remember shit that happened to me? Why should I bring back the pain?
But having this conversation with this friend of mine, I realised that I was running away from my problems. Not that I needed to confront them but I pushed aside everything and started anew in the sense of the new person - new feelings, new experiences. It was like my past never happened and I was reborn this year.
I forgot that my past experiences built my character and my strength. The pain I felt should remind me how harsh reality is and not to fool around with life. Life is a delicate thing and Death jumps in at every corner. Self-mutilation...Suicide...These are all things that are not worthy when Life itself is priceless.
The reason for the title "Everything's Changing And I Feel Left Behind..." is that talking to this friend and a few more, I realised that everyone has matured so much. Where am I? I forgot everything that I've become childish!
My marks are horrible! I still didn't give a damn! CCAs, though important, seem like the MOST important thing when actually, its Studies that should ALWAYS come first. My money is spent on things which probably isn't important and could wait a few more years. And I'm not working to help out the family!!!
My mother is a SINGLE-parent trying to raise two TEENAGE kids, with the help of HER mother and sister. Why can I, the ELDEST teenage at the age where I am legally able to earn money, get a job and help out?
How are we to live when we are going to be in our new one-room flat? Electricity, water, internet, overall rent...my mother can't possible pay for EVERYTHING. I have to pay half. How am I able to do that when I can't even do a mature thing like get a job?
I really feel useless. Things aren't meant to be like this in my "new life". But things never go the way I hope, does it? Bad luck comes at every corner...No, its not bad luck. It is the way that -I- made it to be. I can't just sit and think that everything is going to be all right.
I made promises. I promised to be a better daughter; a better sister. I promised that I would work hard and pass my modules to get to the next level. I promised to be a better changed person - in my physical and mental attributes - to play my strengths and to work on my weakness.
I also wanted so much. I wanted to help my mother; to take away the suffering she has when it comes to money. I wanted to help my brother; to reach out and take his hand, guiding him and letting him know that his family will ALWAYS be around even though we're a broken family and soon, we'll be living far apart.
All these wants and I didn't do anything about it. I've lost the "family" connection with my brother already. Though we talk somethings, I, the older sister, actually feel degraded. What a hopeless case am I...
But then again, as my friend said, I'm half done. I've found out what is wrong with me. Now, I have to do something about it.
I have to work harder in my studies. I have to help out in anyway that I can. I have to plan my days properly so that I do not side-track and concentrate only on my CCAs - if all things fail, I have to quit one more CCA. Money doesn't grow on trees - no matter how I wish. I have to set aside for family; for the future; for emergencies and for school. Things that I want have to wait.
Sacrifices have to be made if I want to change yet AGAIN for the better. I don't want to go back to be an emo kid - the very emo kid that sat at home, wishing to die and crying her heart out.
Face the facts Leandra, if so what if guys don't like you for a relationship? NO ONE CARES! What matters is family and studies first. If you can get that down properly, then you can go and complain about no guy wanting to be in a relationship with you. In the meantime, PIPE DOWN and worry about the important things.
SET YOUR PRIORITIES RIGHT! Or it's back to the fucked-up emo shit-ass world again.
Thanks Alann, for reminding me the hardships I went through to gain the character that I have inside me. Thanks for unlocking it and making me realise the true meaning. Law really does suit you. Hope to see you on Teachers' Day in Siglap again.
Ja ne,
Leandra
LEAH-CHAN @ 10:53 PM
Hey!
Alot has happened but I'll just get up on the FIRST main thing. ^.^ WE CAM-WHORED YESTERDAY! ^.^ Take a look at the whacky pictures! Hahaz!
First Try! I love this picture the most because for once, all of us didn't have complaints about ourselves in the picture hahaz!
Kisses for Shih Yann AKA Aunty! We love you Aunty!
Annu's turn! Kisses for Annu! Eww! I look like a pig! Oink! Hahaz!
Li Ying trying to act tough! Shih Yann hiding! Annu's disgusted! And I'm laughing! Hahaz!
Looking away! Except for Li Ying. We were supposed to look away but Li Ying decided to look in front hahaz!There are so much more pictures which we took! The rest weren't as nice. Oh, I took more actually but I will put them up when I have more time!
Leandra
Monday, July 02, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 5:33 PM
Back,
After a full frickin' day of trying very hard to get the connection in NYP, I have finally suceeded *breathes out a sigh of relief* Stupid connection...stupid laptop...
Apparently, Li Ying, Shih Yann and Annu have abandoned me to go home while I sit here in helplessly in the school's library hahaz! I have V.E. later on at 7pm so...*sighs* bored!!
To carry on my previous post, I met up with Izyani on Saturday at City Hall interchange to go to Bugis to watch...Transformers!! One word: COOL!
We also found the gothic shop there and are pretty excited about the CosFest coming up. Thing is, we don't have enough cash to get a costume!!! T.T So much for *flashback*
Izyani: Hey, this year...let's strive to get a costume for CosFest okay?
Me: OKAY!
*end flashback* There's more that went on but I'm too tired to remember anything. But not to disappoint anyone, here's some jokes I got from my mum's blog to beat the Monday Blues! ^.^
*pokes fingers together nervously* I don't know if you find them funny but it tickled my funny bone ^.^
If you don't like it, then *blows a raspberry - that's when you pull one of the bottom eyelids and stick out your tongue at the person* NYA!! TOO BAD!!! hehe
Remember, these jokes are meant for humor...I do not mean to insult anyone...If you feel insulted, let me apologise beforehand for anything *bows*
Onto the jokes!
An American, a Japanese and an Indian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Indian felt low-tech and inferior. He didn't know what to do to be as impressive as the American and the Japanese. He decided to take a break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a piece of toilet paper that got stuck and was hanging from his ass.
The others raised their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" Instead, to avoid being embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind. The Indian explained, "I'm getting a FAX."
Hahahaz! What a clever guy!!! I applaud his wit!
ESCAPED PRISONER
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
MUWHAHAHAH!!! Poor husband...he is the one who ended up suffering! Hahaz
USE BIG PEOPLE TALK
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!"
You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People' words!"She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo choo."
She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use "Big People' words!"
She then asked little Alec what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
ROTFLMAO!!! Smart kid...hahaz!
Okay, I hope I beat away any blues BUT if you didn't understand anything (for some UNKNOWN reason), please tell me so I may explain *grins*
Ja ne,
Leandra
LEAH-CHAN @ 10:08 AM
Hey!
In Computing Maths class, waiting for that stupid teacher to come. So I decided to blog ^.^! My god, the whole lecture theatre smells of...*makes a face* chilli...I don't really have a liking to any hot stuff (unless you count guys *winks* hahaz!)...weirdly enough, I seem to like laksa and curry alot...*nods head solemnly* I must be a sucker for punishment.
ANYWAY, i finally get to learn how to do the Passion dance! ^.^ Though...*pokes fingers nervously* I kinda forgot some of the steps...hehe...
Inner Self: *sweatdrops* Pathetic...
*bows head* I KNOW!!! But I've been straining really hard, trying to remember...I think the best solution is to ask the rest...Uh oh, that stupid teacher is here...I'll finish posting later...
Ja ne,
Leandra
Kisses for Shih Yann AKA Aunty! We love you Aunty!
Annu's turn! Kisses for Annu! Eww! I look like a pig! Oink! Hahaz!
Li Ying trying to act tough! Shih Yann hiding! Annu's disgusted! And I'm laughing! Hahaz!
