Sunday, June 29, 2008

LEAH-CHAN @ 12:20 PM

Mood: Hurt
Music: None...(sad, huh?)

I won't even bother to start greeting since I know that no one reads my blog. I'm here to rant.

It's been a while since my blog was 'emo' so I decided to 'emo' it up. Okay, excuse the lameness that is me.

Friendship. Bonds. How true are they? I wouldn't know.

A couple of weeks ago I had my heart ripped out because I got into a fight with a close friend of mine: Space-san (S-san). What were we fighting about? Christianity. She just came back from a church camp and had starting preaching to us (me and I-nee-chan). Thing is, I-nee-chan is a muslim. S-san had spoke of how God is superior to other religions and all that stuff.

I don't disagree with her but I really, really, hate those who force religions onto others. So I defended I-nee-chan. I spent hours of my mind to fight back and finally, S-san said okay. This was only after I said: no matter what religion (except Satanism), we all still look up to one person: the same God (just under different names).

She said to go apart for awhile. I felt hurt but I said okay.

Now, I'm in a fight with I-nee-chan (i think o.O?). She's been having a rough week. I really understand that she would want to escape from it. I should have said yes since the start. But I was worried that I wouldn't have enough sleep since I have school the next morning. So I told her that we can't be too late. Then she said okay, nevermind then.

I became worried that she would 'merajok' with me so i told her nevermind, I'll go since I don't want her to 'merajok' with me. I was willing to forgo that sleep for her since I figured that with the rough week she's been having, what she needs right now is someone to be with her. I don't mind after all the things she did for me. But she still 'merajok'! >.< I really don't know what to do...

After talking to a friend...my friend said that I shouldn't have sent the last text message to her (which was me being emo). "She doesn't need you to pour more problems - especially your emo problems which in a way blames her - on her own problems." Yeah, i shouldn't have done that. I guess I should apologise to I-nee-chan.

I hope she accepts my apology and doesn't 'merajok' with me. To others, she might be selfish but to me, I-nee-chan isn't. I was the selfish one, thinking of how many hours of sleep I could get, instead of understanding her feelings.

Now I do.

To I-nee-chan: *bows* Honto ni...gomen nasai...I'm really sorry for not understanding your feelings and being extremely childish. I will send you a text message to apologise if you do not see this blog post. Onegai...please...I don't want to fight with you...>.<

Well, I've ranted enough. I hope to have solved this before tomorrow. I'm fearing of having a heavy heart and mind, when I go to school tomorrow.

Ja ne,
Leah-chan

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

LEAH-CHAN @ 10:41 PM

Music: Hey! Say! by Hey! Say! 7
Mood: ...Mehx...

HEY PEOPLE!

Yes, I'm alive, SURPRISINGLY. I apologise for having my blog as dead as a graveyard. My laptop is REALLY screwed so there was alot of problems pertaining it, especially the money problem to pay for the repairs since I'm over my warranty.

I've managed to steal my aunt's laptop for a while to do a little update.

School holidays (WHAT HOLIDAY? =.=) are almost done and I haven't gotten down any studying at all. Why? Well, my mum got admitted to the hospital for her operation on the tyroid at her neck there.

Honestly, no one noticed the slight swelling at her neck (not even herself) except my grandmum. "Of course I noticed! This is my daughter, we're talking about!" =.= But yeah. She admitted last thursday - had her operation on friday.

It was supposed to be at 9am but we recieved a call saying that it was pushed to 7am. Panicked, me, my aunt, grandmum and my bro woke up, rushed around to get ready and took a cab to Singapore General Hospital to see her. We saw her sitting on her hospital bed, looking so scared.

It was the first time I saw my mother looking so scared. She usually is a strong woman - having to go through my father's cheating ways twice, seeing his 'girlfriend' (whom i have yet to find and beat up with my brother), going through divorce and all the financial problems. She always had that reassuring smile on her face.

My brother and I saw that scared face and broke down. We cried and hugged her for a while. THEN the sad moment was gone because the stupid doctors took so damn long to get ready. The operation started at 9am in the end =.=

Fortunately, the operation went through without any complications. We visited her everyday (at least once - for my grandmum, both times) after that. The scar across her neck/chest there still haunts my dreams. I have this fear that something will happen to her.

Also, I think i've been crying in my sleep because I wake up in the morning with swollen eyes, headache, heavy breathing and dried tear stains down my cheeks. But I've got faith that my mother will pull through. I hope so.

Oh! We found out that the calcium level in her body is dangerously low thus making her completely numb at times. That's why her stay in the hospital has been extended. Either way, I'm gonna have to visit her everyday to support her.

Since it's still the 'holidays', I'm visiting the 12pm-2pm time slot. But when school starts, I'm visiting her after school during the 5pm-8.30pm time slot. ^~^

But this means that I STILL won't be going back to Voice Ensemble anytime soon. I was really hoping that when school starts I will be able to go back but I guess not...*bows* I'm really sorry guys! Please forgive me!

Mah, at this moment, I don't really have anything much to say. So I'll be off for now...Ja! Genki dana minna-san!

Ja ne,
Leah-chan

Profile

Name: Leah-chan

Schooling In: Nanyang Polytechnic

Course: Multimedia & Infocommunications Technology, School of Information Technology

Birthday: 21st December 1990

CCAs: Foreign Bodies, Voice Ensemble

Colour: Black, White, Red, Blue, Green, Orange, Purple, etc ^_^

Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Singing, Acting, Dancing, Fashion

Music Influences: EVERYTHING but at the moment, JROCK/JPOP

I'm bi-polar i think.

One day, I'm happy and the next, I'm totally different.

Yahoo!: sweet_leah90@yahoo.com.sg

MSN: night_riot@hotmail.com

Livejournal: night-riot.livejournal.com

Likes

I love music. It is my whole life. I can't survive with it.
I hope to be able to play the drums or guitar (electric) [that's once i have enough money to buy one].

I'm currently into Japanese music, and I love mixing their fashion with my own taste! ^_^

My new love is dancing, alongside singing, acting, writing romance fiction and creating fashion styles.
It allows me to express myself when I can't.
It relieves me from my stress.
Overall, I love dancing - I just need to get a confidence for it.

Hanging out with friends is another plus in my life. Friends, to me, equals to loyalty and honesty.

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Credits

karen deviantART photobucket blogskins Melissa Haslam Joanne