Thursday, October 25, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 8:21 PM
Hey people,
I'm really sorry but I think the next few posts will be kinda depressing. I understand that if you guys don't wanna read it. Just bear with me. *bows*
The update now is that I've come to terms that Kris won't like me and just treats me as a friend or a little sister. I don't mind. Because...I'm sad to report that Drake has been clouding my mind.
I've known him for awhile and he's affecting me so much. I keep getting pissed off at Drake and I don't know why!!! Maybe it's because he's so fucking clueless!!! (Please excuse my use of profanities at the moment *bows*)
Well, I'm also so confused with his actions! I just...ARGH!!! *tugs on pigtails*
I hate him.
I hate him for making me feel this way about him.
I hate how he crawls into my mind.
I hate how every actions he does is so adorable to me.
I hate how his voice reaches my ears and sends shivers down my spine.
I hate how he says my name.
I hate how he plague my dreams at night.
I hate him...
ARGH! Even the inner voice in my mind is telling me, 'Come on, you know that's not true. You like him. L. I. K. E. LIKE.'
Fine! You happy?
I like him.
I like the butterflies I feel whenever he's around.
I like the memories we make, even better, with the friends I have around.
I like the every little action that he does.
I like his voice and love the shivers that crawls all over my body.
I LOVE how he says my name, or rather, nickname.
I like that he appears in my dreams at night.
I like him...
I wanna confess to him actually but I'm afraid of what he will say. He's not coming this sunday. I'm VERY sad about that. If he doesn't come, then I have to tell him by phone. Which is actually much better but it'll KILL me if he doesn't call back or something.
If not, I'll write him an email now and tell it to him. I wanna tell him to think about it really carefully and to try and come on sunday so that he can give me an answer.
What if it's a rejection? I'll totally ruin the mood for the others. Maybe if he rejects me, I'll just go home so I don't have to affect the others too.
ARGH! I seriously don't know what to do...Help me...Please...
Always Synyster,
Leandra
You're Irritating Me, You Know That?
Do You Wanna Know Why?
Because I Can't Get You Out Of My Mind.
Monday, October 22, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 10:54 PM
Mood: Pissed/Worried/Depressed/Confused
Music: Apologize by Timbaland feat. One Republic
Yup...
I was feeling kinda all right today until I got home. Certain friends of mine have gotten into a predicament. Other than that - I'm very confused. Another HIM have caught my eye. Now I'm in deep shit.
I don't even know why should I think so much over this. I don't even know why I should be worrying so much over this. I mean, it's not like ANYONE of them would EVER like me. Yeap, this might an emo post. Sorry but if you guys don't like to read emo shit, then you can ignore this post. I just really wanna get it out.
Okay, the first HIM is...let's call him Kris.
The second HIM will be...Drake.
Note: These names are completely made up. But the people behind the names are real.
I haven't been talkin to Kris online for quite awhile. I tried to but I never get a response. Recently, I saw him as I was leaving. He gave me a hug and that was it.
When Drake came in, my mind was finally off Kris. I felt free in a sense since Kris has been clouding my mind since I met him. My heart would tie up in knots and butterflies would flutter delicately whenever I think of him. A friend of mine told me to give up on Kris because he's been affecting me so.
I love talking to Kris. He makes me laugh. He makes me stop and think about myself. His hugs are addicting. Every conversation we had would replay in my mind like a movie. But all this is online. AND ONLY ONLINE. In person, we would share a joke or two. We would playfully chat. But our online conversations are much more than the ones in person.
Drake came in JUST recently. He's playful and oh-so-adorable. He's the first to compliment me and whatever comes out of his mouth, seems sincere. Even when he points out something bad, it doesn't seem like he minds it. I do become aware of it but I doesn't depress me to the point that I hate myself again because of it. Seriously, he brings out the playful me. I'm not shy. I'm not afraid of what others will think. Together with my friends, all of them bring out the playful me. And I don't actually regret it. I've come to like it.
The thing both of them have in common? They can cause confusion in me. Kris's actions have more than one explanation behind them. It can either be: He likes me or He knows and he's freaked out by it. Drake's actions just make you wonder: He's just playing with me. He'll never like me. (Or maybe that's my low self-confidence talking)
I hate it. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so depressed. I think that my heart is suicidal. It loves making itself fall for others and likes the feeling of pain and hurt whenever my inner self tells it that no one will ever like me because of my size, my looks, etc.
Nobody's perfect.
To the world you may be one person but to one person, you may be the world.
Soon, it'll be your turn to love.
How many times have I heard this? How many times have these words been through my head but never to reach my heart? Even if it does, it does for a while before being conquered by my low self-esteem.
Today, Drake isn't feeling himself. I understand totally. But I can't help but feel sad by it. I guess I'm not used to him feeling this way. I did see Kris today though. But for a fleeting moment. My heart just yearned for a hug from him. But I didn't get it. But it didn't bother me so much.
Drake is a different matter. He kinda blew me off today but I understand. But I feel really sad. Not only for me but for him too. I understood why he felt that way. I know but...*sighs* Sorry people who actually wanted to read this but I don't really know how to explain why exactly am I feeling this way.
My heart feels heavy and I've gone back to the sea of depression. I'm terribly sorry to those who are and will be affected by this. I hope tomorrow (or rather today since it's 12:01am right now) will be a better day.
I'm stopping this post for the moment. My emotions aren't allowing me to type properly. I'm sorry.
Always Synyster,
Leandra
Friday, October 19, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 6:44 PM
Hey people,
Had really up and down days. Let's start with friday!
It isn't really a bad day but it's more like a semi-good day turned bad. Let's see what happened...Firstly, I came to class. Late. Not to much like Tuesday but still, I HATE BEING LATE >.<
Ever since school started, my time estimation is totally WRONG! I don't know what happened but I keep on missing the bus and have to wait like another 15 minutes for the next bus to arrive. And the best thing? If one bus is late, the other will be late and I DEFINITELY will be late for class.
After that, I went to meet with Izyani during my SIX-hour "break". We went to get my mp3 (YAY! FINALLY, it's fixed! ^.^) and we hanged around and stuff. After that, I was seriously dreading to go for my last class. It was a YEAR TWO module. You must be thinking: Why in the world am I, a Year One, taking a Year Two module? Well, there was SOME mix-up or whatever (I'm too lazy to explain it) and I'm stuck in that class.
Firstly, I went to the WRONG frickin' class. IT WAS SO EMBARASSING! *blushes* Anyway, when I went to the RIGHT class, everyone knew each other (DUH!) and I felt really awkward there. I didn't have my book yet because I haven't bought them so I borrowed the book from the Class Manager.
Surprisingly, I kinda understood what we were supposed to do so I could do the assignment to a certain extent. Which is not bad for someone who, ONLY this semester starting learning how to use Visual Studio 2005 and have to start on it in Year Two already.
After that, I met up with Ray (He was in the next class - the class that I went into wrongly) and we went for FB. I tried to catch on but unfortunately, I can only remember three-quarters of the whole dance right now. So I gotta ask someone for help again. The seniors had a 'talk' with us about our attitude and I guess I can understand how they're feeling. I mean, they put in everything for us and we still haven't given much yet.
So...
GANBATTE EVERYONE!
On Saturday, I was woken up by my dearest Mira Kitty who asked if I wanted to go out. I was like O.o? Uh...Okay...But only if they came to Pasir Ris. And they did. All four of them. Specifically Mira, Danial K., Daniel H., and Hafiz. These people, I must say, are an interesting bunch.
Halfway through, we went to Izyani's place and just like hanged out. It was really fun! On the bus there, Mira told me to tease Daniel H. and I did. LOLZ! It was so fun! I kept doing that the whole time and he played along too! ^.^ The best part of going to Izyani's place besides seeing Izyani herself, is that I got to see Maisarah and Panda! THEY WERE BOTH SO CUTE!
For you people who don't know, Maisarah is Izyani's neice and Panda is Izyani's cat.
Today, all of us met at Pasir Ris MRT station (besides Danial K. and Izyani who had something on) at noon. The guys were late - DUH! =.= And we bought lunch and headed over to my place. Daniel H. called me his mermaid! =.= why? Because my long skirt made me look like a mermaid. He said I was a cute mermaid. I was like O.o Oh...kay...? but thanks...Lolz
When we went over to my place, everyone just hanged out in the living room because my mum and bro slept in my room. DAMN! I wanted them to hang in my room instead. =.= Anyway, we played Truth Or Dare for a short while. Don't ask. I'm kinda obsessed with that game because of all the possibilities of dares that can come to mind.
For example, Mira dared me to seduce Daniel H. I did it. LOLZ! Then she dared him to seduce me back. =.= That boy needs some lessons. He was doing SOMEWHAT great. So I'll give him props for his 'work' LOL!
Anyway, it was pretty fun! ^.^ I kept on ignoring Daniel H. because he was being frickin' mean! He deserved it and I did some...stuff to him too! For revenge...*insert evil laughter* Mira encouraged me so I did! Hehe ^.^
They left about a couple of hours ago to meet up with Adith, who just came back from Indonesia. *sighs* I wanted to welcome him back too but I can't. My mum will KILL me and I have school tomorrow (even though it starts at 3pm =.=).
Ah well, I hope that during the weekday or next Saturday, we can all meet up again! ^.^ I can't wait to have this much fun again! Lolz!
Love ya people! *muackz*
Always Synyster,
Leandra
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 9:35 PM
Mood: Tired, Unwell & Feeling That Something's Missing...
Music: Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Hey People!
Two days into the starting of school and ending of the holidays already and I'm very much tired. And get this - I don't have THAT much classes. But I still have the CCAs and everything.
Oh last week during FBodz, we were asked to wear our Secondary School Uniform/PE shirt. So practically everyone turned up in what they were supposed to wear. It was such interesting to see everyone in PE shirts or uniform. We learnt the girls'/guys' dance like normal but we didn't have a showcase!
You know what they wanted to do? A CATWALK! Fashioning our clothing Lolz! It was way cool! I got paired up with Trisha who's really adorable and a GREAT dancer! Both of us walked towards the camera and posed. When I turned to walked away, she slapped my butt! LOLZ! Then later she called me 'cute butt' Lolz!
The funniest was when Peng and Fong came up. Fong was dressed in his school uniform from head to toe and a cap. Peng had on his PE shirt and his pants was pulled up high in a dorky fashion. Both of them just walked up to the camera and like stood there. Then they turned to each other and Peng slapped Fong (playfully, of course) before walking away. Here's the most ADORABLE part: Fong looked like he was gonna cry and he was so cute! Lol
Everyone did their turn on the 'catwalk' and it was very interesting! ^.^
When school started on Monday, I was kinda panicking. First Day Panicks. Lolz...my classes started at 3pm, ended at 6pm (actually, 5pm because the teacher decided to let us off early) and I had VE at 7pm. VE was very interesting! But unfortunately, I had to leave at 8.30pm because I've been coming home late from school (yes, during the holidays) and my mum could see that I was seriously sleep-deprived so she set a new curfew for me - be home by 10pm, if possible.
Today was all right I guess. We started at 8am and was SUPPOSED to end at 3pm. Turns out that our last class lecturer didn't come so we were let off at like 1.15pm or sumthing like that.
Shih Yann (wow, it's been so long since I wrote her name in my blog Lolz) went off to meet her friend and Li Ying wanted to meet up with her boy but he wanted to meet at 4pm so she didn't. Instead, she followed me to Toa Payoh MRT to meet up with Mira and Hafiz.
Hafiz was late. Like ONE HOUR late.
The purpose of the meeting was to help Mira find a Halloween costume - a prom dress. We painstakingly walked to the shop which was quite a distant away from Doby Ghaut MRT station. My legs screamed for help since my ankle haven't healed; my knee started giving me problems and on the whole, it hurt. And guess what?
The shop was closed.
Here's how it went:
All four: *happily talking*
Mira: *skips to the shop and stop short, staring at the door*
Hafiz: *follows, stares at the door and laughs*
Li Ying: *follows and just stares blankly* (she was rather slow today)
Me: (oh, this is the best) *stares at the door sign* CLOSED *walks to the glass window nearby and proceeds to bang head against the door* Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.
Mira: What the hell? Today is not a public holiday and the sign says it closes at 7pm! It's 5plus!
Hafiz: Oh shit, Leandra's getting pissed. *walks FAR away*
Me: *stares and smirks* This isn't my most pissed so you don't have to get worried.
So we found a place to sit down. We hanged around that bench 'cause we were tired and wanted to enjoy the aircon. When we were about to leave...
FLASHBACK
Four of us: *stares at the outside* Shit, it's raining. Heavily.
END FLASHBACK
...WHAT THE HELL!!! Li Ying was lucky because she had a straight bus back home. Mira, Hafiz and I walked in the rain. Okay, Hafiz did while Mira and I shared a pathetic umbrella. But honestly, I don't mind getting sick (which I think I did XP) since tomorrow's lessons is only TWO hours. My bus ride back and forth is THREE hours. What the hell...
And VE's at 3pm. I end at 10am. What am I gonna do for FIVE HOURS? O.O The earliest person that ends is Winnie - at 12pm. Haiz...
Ah well, it's around 10pm now. After maybe another half an hour of playing SIMS 2, I'll get to bed. I'm really shacked.
On another note, *wails* I haven't talked to him yet! *sighs* I guess he's busy with school. I feel bad to bother him but I still kinda did...But no response yet >.< Lolz...It's fine - I'll live...I hope Lolz!
Here's a poem I found (yes, I have nothing better to do =.=):
I'm not myself
I'm not the same
Things set me off
The wind whispers his name
The slightest thing makes me think of you
Oh how I wish you knew
Alright then! Thanks for reading! Tag if you like! ^.^ And to Stranger: where are you? I'm still curious but if you wish to keep your identity, then it's fine with me ^.^
Always Synyster,
Leandra
Sunday, October 07, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 10:18 PM
Hey people,
I don't know if any of ya wanna watch our performance but here is the video! ^.^ My dearest Nora from the group Decades, took the video! YOU'RE THE BEST NORA!
This is the first set that we did. I spot so many errors from me! *blush*
Thanks again to Nora darling for taking the video. Muacks!
Oh yeah, I'm starting to go and exercise with my friends. To lose lotsa weight (as you can tell from the video, I definitely need to lol) so please, encourage me! ^.^ Hahaz, okay I'm not forcing you but yeah...uh...nevermind (I don't know what to say Lol)
ANYWAY, I'm doing this to help myself not because of someone else though that someone else did promise me something LOL :P But yeah, I hope I make it! ^.^
Always Synyster,
Leandra
Saturday, October 06, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 4:07 PM
Mood: Extremely High But...*pouts* I Didn't Get To Hug Him >.< (lol)
Music: Let Me Love You by Mario
Hey People! ^.^ Just had the FB Juniors Dance Exam 2007 yesterday and I'm so relieved that it's over but I'm also so sad that I won't see my group, known as the Ten-Thirties, as much as before. Okay, the reason for the chosen name is that our group meet at 10:30am EVERY MORNING since they announced the groupings. Hahaz
How was the dance exam, you ask? WE DID IT! TEN-THIRTIES GOT FIRST!!! *insert evil laughter* MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Haha, nah...I think everyone did great. I'm so happy and relieved. After all the frustration and pain that not only me, but everyone else has felt, we did our best and it felt great to put in my hard work in that few minutes.
To know that we come out tops was even better. Okay, I would like to thank EVERYONE who stood by me and encouraged me throughout everything. Before the set started, everyone was like 'Go Leandra!' Embarassing (since I've never been encouraged like that before) but thank you! ^.^
Andee: Thanks for being the great leader that you are. I know that you meant well when you were shouting. In the end, we did it. ^.^ Congrats for getting in the Student Union Performance! Good luck!
Joan: Crazy and cool chick! Yet very much professional. You know when to be strict and when to have fun. Thank you! ^.^ Congrats to you too for getting in the Student Union Performance! Good luck to you too!
Esh: I love talking to you about everything! You're so cool and I'm happy we shared the same views in certain things. Thank you...^.^
Chao Zhong: Love your crappy jokes! Haha You helped us in every way that you can. Thank you for everything! Improve your english! Hahaz just kidding ^.^
Thiri: We did it! We improved and that was what that matters! We rock! Lolz ^.^
This is our group, Ten-Thirties! The day before the exams when we were practicing on our act! I had fun you guys!
Ten-Thirties' GANGSTA side! Perfect for our act! Hahaz
This is the black team; me, Andee and Esh! Or rather, red...Um, black bandanas and red hoodies was what we were wearing! ^.^ The other team was the red, uh...grey team...? ANYWAY, their members were Thiri, Chao Zhong and Joan!
Me and Andee! Okay, there wasn't anything ACTUALLY sticking out =.= but it looked...wrong, okay? I got this picture from his Livejournal so he did the editing Lolz
This is Ten-Thirties after we did the showcase, listening to the seniors about their comments. So scary...>.<>
Ten-Thirties...*grins widely*
The bond between us; a bond created through dance! ^.^
There! I got these pictures from Andee's Livejournal so I'll get more pictures and post them up!
Here's my sappy/emo quote(s) for the day:
"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi, or even smile because I know, even if it's just for a second, I crossed your mind."
"When you love someone and they don't love you back, it's hard to find a way to keep yourself on track. It leaves you broken hearted and hurts so much. I guess that's why they call it a crush."
And my favourtie sappy quote...
"I'm such a sucker for those eyes,
They permanently paralyze.
You got my heart under attack.
You give me shivers down my back.
Do you have to walk the way you do?
I get weak just watching you."
Aww....so sweet! Lol All right then, I'm gonna get outta here now.
Oh yeah! To Stranger in my comment box, TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!...Please? *pouts* Lolz I'm so very curious! ^.^
Always Synyster,
Leandra
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
LEAH-CHAN @ 10:37 PM
Mood: Missing Him...*sighs* And My Other Friends...
Music: Crazy Over You by 112
Hey People,
I'm FINALLY back from 3 days 2 nights Voice Ensemble Les Voix Camp! ^.^ It was really fun and very tiring since it's not a get-to-know-each-other-more camp but instead a concert training camp. Here's a brief run-through of the camp:
Day 1
We met at 8.30am and started out with some ice-breaker games. Two only and been used in many camps before. But it was still very fun. First was trying to squeeze all your members into a small square which gets smaller each round. The second game was Human Entanglement. None of the groups won because at every turn, cross over, cross under, etc that we did caused more and more knots between members Lol.
Practice came and it was as usual. Mr. Ong came in the afternoon. After practice, I went off to dance practice where learnt about 1/2-8 of the second choreography before making ''rounds'' to other groups. Okay, I only went to Yismin's team but I love the members there! ^.^
Had a ''chat'' with Yismin about him. She's really sweet, trying to help me and all that. THANKS YISMIN! ^.^ Went back after that to do some choreography for the songs. Um...this is for VE, not FB Hahaz...I felt rather embarassed because the steps were like...uh I don't know. I guess I was used to dancing hip-hop steps but the VE choreo wasn't hard to catch. =.= duh...But I guess after getting used to it, the steps look rather cute ^.^
Then lights out was at 11pm but Sheryl, SuEe (who were both sleeping next to me) and I stayed until 1am before turning in. We chatted abit. Both girls teasing me about him. Hahaz and talked about...what else? Cute guys Hahaz...Hey, we ARE girls after all.
Day 2
Woke up in a daze. Did morning PT, known to VE as the 5BX. Wow, just ONE round around the track caused me to be EXTREMELY short of breath. Believe me, I sounded like I was having asthma. You can ask Sheryl hahaz. She was nice enough to lag behind and urge me on to finish the round. THANKS SHERYL! ^.^
After that, went off to dance practice where Andee, Esh and I practiced our part. ^.^ I walked around to...where else? Yismin's group again. Talked to her about her interesting love life ^.^ Halfway through, I went back to continue dancing before the girls from VE came and told me to go and change for a photoshoot. I was like 'SHIT!' and ran off to change, THINKING that I was late.
Then I realised that everyone had to wait until Mr. Ong arrived. =.= I was like WTH...I have to dance in my 'formal wear' O.O So I did a little. Then, VE came and told me to go for the photoshoot. I said bye to my group before going off with Hazel (she had to go back for her attachment at Cheers).
The photoshoot was all right, I guess. In one of the candid shots, I 'kissed' Li Dan (whom Sheryl and I named 'Pretty Eyes' because her eyes are REALLY pretty ^.^). It was very fun.
We went back to start the workshop. Two conductors came with Mr. Ong - Ms. Fanny Low (soprano) and Mr. Wilson Goh (tenor). So Ms. Low took us girls while the guys went next door with Mr. Goh. Mr. Ong stayed with the girls and helped out in playing the piano for awhile. ^.^
Ms. Low really taught us many things. I felt really bad because I couldn't sing well due to a sore throat and cough. It was pretty bad. One good thing about this workshop was that Altos weren't always the ''problem''. Hahaz. Nah, but seriously, I learnt so much.
Raise your soft palette
Inner smile
Breathe down
Facial expressions
Sing over the imaginary line
Pronouce the vowels
Focus the vowels to the center
Support your notes
Yup, so this workshop really helped alot. I hope I can remember to do EVERYTHING properly.
Met up with Yismin and was feeling 'emo' because wasn't so close to him that day. Turns out that he was...uh, I can't say because it would totally give away but Yismin reassured me that it wasn't my fault.
Played some games. First was Twister. I can't remember who won but it was SO PAINFUL! >.< I think it was Cai Yun. She battled it out with Emily. Lol Then we decided to play 'Bomberman', where those in the horizontal or vertical row of the 'bomber' loses. We paired up (I was with Cai Yun) and I can't remember who won the first round. Then we named each person 1 or 2 in the pair. Cai Yun was 1 and I, 2.
The 1s went first and I think Ben won. He was against...Shuai Xun, I think. Tenor senior against Tenor junior. Senior won. Hahaz Then the 2s played and Joyce and I were the last two. This time, Alto senior against Alto junior. Senior won. I WAS SO CLOSE! Hahaz
When we were all relaxing after that, I taught the girls some dance moves. The body wave and the krunk. Winnie could do the body wave! Cool! Then some girls and I peeked into the guys bunk. It was messy but looked oddly...nice...? O.o
I saw Shuai Xun's shoes (which I totally LOVE), and decided to 'borrow' it. Hahaz.
After that, I borrowed Li Fen's laptop and logged online to check out my email and all that. Chatted with Shuai Xun who was online and in the next room only Hahaz. He was so nice online and I felt guilty for 'borrowing' his shoes. Then I told him. Turns out that he didn't even realised! Which means, if I hadn't told him about it, I would have brought home a new pair of rockin' sneakers! *snaps fingers* Damn! Hahaz... I still felt guilty and apologized to him. I do still feel guilty now so SORRY SHUAI XUN! >.<
After that was Evaluation and Debrief and all that. We took lotsa group pictures. It was really fun. I'll try to get them and put them up! ^.^
Was supposed to go for dance practice after that but something happened that prevented me from doing anything. The guys were nice enough to tell me to go home and rest since even if I stayed there, I couldn't do anything so there was no point.
I took a cab back because I was SOOOOO tired and in pain. Body aches here and there and the stiff neck is...*pressed lightly on neck* OW! >.< Still painful...
Tomorrow is gonna be a VERY tiring and busy day since we have so much to cover and I really have to work and learn everything, not to mention syncronizing with the others and the...uh...I can't give away so...there are still other stuff we have to do.
*sighs* It's getting pretty late so I guess I had better get some sleep for tomorrow.
But before I go, here are some quotes and poems I found and felt like writing it out:
I see him
But he sees past me
I look in his eyes
But he looks around me
Does he know what I see
When he stares through me?
I see him
And I can't help watching him
Not watching me
Because I like you and I know you don't know it
I like you so much, I talk to everyone but you
And I wonder, what would you think of this little number
Yeah, I wonder, what you would say if you knew
Should I hesitate as I speak
Please don't think I'm preoccupied (not that you would notice)
For words don't come easily
When one really cares
And too often I evaluate each word
Trying to be anyone but myself
And the fear of rejection
Brings confusion
The confusion brings silence
And my heart prays that you might hear my silence
And understand
I'm scared
So afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak
If I tremble when I speak
Ooh what if
There's another one he's thinking of
Maybe he's in love
I'd feel like a food
Life can be so cruel
I don't know what to do
There! I know that it's rather mushy and emo-ish. I'm really sorry if you guys don't like it. It's pretty much what I feel in a rather poetic sense I guess. Hahaz but yeah...
Oh! I found this two sentence which was really true, from my experience in helping others in love Hahaz It's:
Too many of us stay walled because we are afraid of being hurt; we are afraid to care too much, fear that the other person does not care at all.
I'm afraid to tell you who I am, because if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am, and its all that I have.
IT'S SO TRUE, ISN'T IT? If you don't understand, you can come and ask me ^.^ If you do, then think about it.
Many of us are afraid to tell our true feelings. Everyday, we plaster on a mask and carrying the other masks around with us for different times on different days with different groups of people. Why? Because the world stereotypes. No matter how much you say you don't, to a certain extent, you do.
Because it's human nature. You can't possibly love everyone and everyone can't possibly love you. There will be someone that you feel unsure about. There will be someone that feels unsure about YOU. Everyone can't please us and we certainly can't please everyone.
I guess this ''human nature'' is what holds us back in certain points of life. Don't you ever wonder? If I did this, will the outcome be better or worse? If I studied with them, I might be able to get better results! If I was friends with him/her, he/she might be the friend to remember and to keep! If I told him/her how I felt, we might be together!
That's a whole lot of thinking but I'm not asking you to sit down and ponder it. But let your mind say what it wants to to you. Listen to your heart; your mind; your soul. Never shush it for you might end up becoming someone which is the total opposite of how you really truly are.
Don't let what you think that others might say about you affect your decision unless it's a group one. If it is a group decision, then like the name say, decide AS A GROUP. But if it affects you and only you, listen to yourself.
Hahaz, I can say all this but why am I still holding back on telling him? Because words are easier said than done. Love is different, I guess. It takes time. One has to be patient but...sooner or later, you have to say it out. Better sooner or else, all the 'if i did this...' possibilities might come to mind. But use your common sense too. Love does not only affect you. It affects the ones you love too.
It's really complicated but if you wanna indulge in this subject further, please feel free to come and speak to me. I'll be more than happy to try and answer your questions. ^.^
Always Synyster,
Leandra
